Julia Roberts is hot—or is she? She is to me! I find her to be one of the most attractive humans on earth. She has this piercing personality and charisma that speaks to me through the screen. However, if you ask the same question from ten other people, you’d likely be surprised by the different answers you get. My point being that attractiveness is subjective. It is an opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.
There is no such thing as being universally beautiful.
This does not mean that your looks do not matter. In the society that we live in, looks do matter to an annoyingly high amount. It means that you do not have to lose your sleep worrying if the people around you think if you are attractive or not. Some may do, and some may not. Even the most attractive person to one person can be not so much for another. It is just something we have to make peace with.
When attractiveness is subjective, for one person who may not find you very attractive, there will always be another one who does. In fact, the chances are that you are a lot more attractive than you think. Last year, the Department of Clinical Psychology and Psychobiology of the University of Barcelona conducted an experiment on the way how people believe they look, and how they view their own body and appearance from an outsider’s perspective. They found that almost every person rates their own body more negatively when compared to viewing their exact same body as an outsider. We have a negatively biased view of our own bodies and looks.
This brings me to what I really wanted to talk about in this article.
You Are More Than Your Looks
To me, people are more attractive when their physical appearance is not the most attractive thing about them—it could be a skill, a trait, or simply the way they hold themselves. They are often more interesting and fun to hang out with because they have a sense of confidence that does not dwell on their physical appearance. When they know that their own worth does not depend on their look, they do not try to base their own opinion about you on the way you look on a certain day as well. They love you for who you are, not what you are.
I know that the concept of attractiveness and body image can be incredibly sensitive for many people. Every single one of us has felt as though we are not attractive at some point in our life. However, the truth is that we do not owe the world physical attractiveness. There is beauty in who we are—all of us. The people who matter will see that inherent beauty that we carry within us, and that is the only thing that matters. If a person wants you to change your physical appearance to fulfill an idea of attractiveness in their mind, you need to turn around and run.
And if you are still worried about your looks, one of the most beautiful things about attraction is that when a person gets to know you better and eventually falls in love with you, everything about you becomes attractive to them—even the way you look. For years I thought I liked boys with straight hair. Then, my now-husband came into my life ten years ago with his full head of curls and my brain did a massive one-eighty. Curly hair is one of the most attractive things about a person to me now!
“Just the Way You Are…”
The way you are right now, reading this article, with your hair the way it is, your body the way it is—is incredibly attractive. No matter how you look, if you carry yourself with confidence and the knowledge that you are attractive, it radiates through you.
I love how waves of women around the world are increasingly accepting the universal truth that there is no such thing as being universally attractive in everyone’s eye. Your existence itself is beauty. And if someone does not find you attractive, it is their opinion, and it is their problem. It should not affect your confidence and your truth that you carry beauty within you.
I also want to tell you this, particularly to my male friends. Please do not think that you have to be physically “perfect” with muscles on every inch of your body to be considered attractive. If your physical looks are the only thing you have to offer to the world, you are not bringing very much to the table.
Embrace your imperfections. If you do have some extra time in your hand, try to work on your mind, skills and the things that make you an interesting and multi-faceted human in other ways. My point is, that it is likely that you may never be completely satisfied with your physical looks. The good thing is that you are still very much attractive.
You do not need to be happy with your own looks to be a perfectly worthy and attractive person. You just are. Love yourself for all your curves and your edges and your perfect imperfections. Or what John Legend said!